letter · poetry

You, You, You

If I had a reason
to live
to breathe
it would be to love you.
To give you this heart
that would be lifeless
without you.
I was nothing more
than a shell of skin
and bone
until I met you,
and then I knew,
if there was a purpose
for every ending,
if there was a reason
for each broken heart
and tear,
if there was a hope
for something better,
or a wish
for something new,
I found it all in you.
And each mistake
and every heartache
has led me here
to you,
and I would live them all
a thousand times,
again,
if every time
I was so lucky
as to know you,
as to love you,
in the end.

letter · new years resolution · poetry

Suffering

Do you feel alone like I do?
With the walls closing in
and the silence shouting
out my loss –
I have been so wrong
so lost.
I just couldn’t stay
trapped
in those moments
that were never quite
mine or yours
lost somewhere in between
the truth and lie
biding my time
and losing track of it.
I knew that it was so, so
wrong.
But you were right.
And I’ll admit
that I enjoyed it.
But do not fret
for I have
suffered
for it.

letter · new years resolution · poetry

Psychic Instability

Is this the price of my pride?
I need a diversion
a distraction
a departure
from this delusion
these fevered dreams
I got so lost in –
your harrowing illusion.
A spell to break
the hex
you have on me.
The visions of regret
that overcome me.
My recurring insecurity
that without you
I am nothing.
Your crippling anguish
your stoic indifference
my cries of frustration
my degrading persistence
my physical
resistance
to the end.
But in the shameful
spirit of  failure
you win –
I just want out of this nightmare.

letter · new years resolution · poetry

Hypomnesia

I tied your memories around me
little ribbons
floating out like wires
electric elements
static
with potential
writhing all around me
sparking visions
of what we were
but all this detail is delusion
bolting through my brain
like déjà vu
knowing that I knew
something
but not recalling
what I knew
as they unwind
and fall from me
leaving me bare
and burning for you.

 

letter · new years resolution · poetry

Washed Away

I’m breaking down the truth
with all the urgency of youth
before I leave it all behind.
And I forget to remember
each weighted moment
and whispered word —
every movement that pulsed
with things unspoken,
but not unheard.
I try to ride the raging tide
of our torrid love
once more.
But something has
shifted inside.
Where once there was a story,
now only blank pages remain.
And I can only curse
the day that I met you,
because nothing now will ever
be the same.
And I do not have the heart
to write another story…
to face the fact that ours
was washed away.