letter · new years resolution · prose

forewarning

X,

I had a chance to get ahead in the beginning — now I’m just falling behind, falling behind you, for and before you. Always here I stay, live here day to day, learning every way to put that foot in my mouth — keep it there. Keep apart from the body I want to know mine, know me. I’ll keep my secrets; I’ll stay closed. No one will know, never, what they don’t want to, ever, how I want you. How I think of you, and think of you — the only thing I shouldn’t do. And why? What makes you different from the rest? I don’t want to scar any hearts, but it’s nothing I couldn’t do. Wouldn’t openly voice my desires, but I’m willing to. Dirty little secrets I lay bare here: my fantasies for endings over me. Twisted — who I am. Depraved, these things I crave, these sinful wishes I breathe — I say it all now only for one reason, one reason alone, only once:

you are becoming someone to me.

 

Yours,

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