journal · letter

Shadows

My Dear,

The world has gone to gray. You obviously have no idea of the effect you have on me. Or you just don’t care. Every waking moment is both an ache and a hope alike. I yearn for your love and affections with a force that knows no boundaries, so your attitude toward me kills. Yet I still take any word or sign from you, scrutinizing it down to it’s most minute details for the possibility I’m searching for. I cannot seem to give you up. I can play the friend, switching my roles at will, be whatever is required in a moment. It seems as though I can do anything but let this go. Although all of logic shouts at me that this is a fools errand. That I will be damned if I stay here in this farce, this fantastic mess. But I just cannot stay away. Yet I need to, I need you, but I know I need some distance. So I will try, for a day. Try, and hope that you will notice I am gone, hope that you will miss me, hope against hope that you will realize on some level what you have in me… I am so terrified that these things will never be. I will watch you pass me by with life, and my heart will drop to the floor. And it always comes back to, “I love you.” Because I always, always do.

Yours,
Eerie

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